My colleague cornered me at work the other day to talk to me about how a kidnapping ring had been burst close to her mom’s house which incidentally was at the same general area I live.
According to her, the kidnappers had stolen the two kids but their mute voodoo didn’t work on them. The children screamed until passersby heard them and went ahead to rescue the kids. They also found the kidnapper’s lair to be full of kids skulls. She advised that I talk to my kids so they can be on the alert.
So this morning as the kids prepared for school, I decided to have the talk with them.
No sooner had I mentioned the word kidnap and Dave said he already knew the story. Michael said their teachers had already had the talk with them. I understood this to mean “shut up mum, we got this one covered”. But like a typical mum, I ignored their unspoken words and launched into the usual advice. I started with “don’t accept stuff from strangers”. Dave cut in with, “why should we even be talking to strangers”.
Before I could say “Dave”, he had taken over my kidnap education class. He told his brothers that if a stranger as much as looked at them in a way they didn’t like, they should run away screaming into the nearest crowd. “It will be more difficult to grab anyone in a crowd”, he said solemnly. I just nodded in agreement. (I probably should have just shut up)
It’s incredible how kids create non words and assign it their own meaning. It’s even more incredible when they expect you to know the meanings of the words.
So when Dave asked, “Mum what’s a boo boo?” I thought for a moment. His pronunciation didn’t help: did he mean boo boo, the Nigerian women’s dress. Or was he doubling ‘beau’ and meant darling or lover or…
“Let me make it easier for you, What’s your boo boos”
“Oh”, I believed I finally had it figured out, “You mean breasts?”
He rolled his eyes like he believed I could easily make top 10 in the world’s dumbest list.
“Boo boo simply means wound.”
“Mum, you really should watch more TV. That was from Doc McStuffings.”
It was my turn to give him the top-10-world-dumbest-list eye roll.
A Further Aside
So Michael refused to finish the slice of bread Zaram started eating. When I queried him, he goes “Mum, how do you expect me to eat something touched by Bacterium Chizaramtitis?”
I think I should to stop these kids from watching so much television.