Month: June 2014

In Which Dave Makes Fruit Salad

Three times he called that day reminding me to not forget. The items he listed were bananas, apples and yoghurt. As far as I was concerned there was really no relationship between the three. Okay, apples and bananas were fruits but that’s where it stopped.

It decided to rain after work that day and I had all but given up on the search for the fruits. So by the time the fourth came in I was ready to tell him I couldn’t find any of the fruits. But there was something about the way he asked that made me hold back.

Heading home, sharing a senior colleagues umbrella, I casually mentioned to her that Dave had been hounding me with calls. She told me I should do everything in my power to buy the fruits. “You should be glad that he is asking for fruits”.

So, I found and bought the fruits getting soaked in the process (yeah, happy mother’s day to you too), took the fruits home and handed them to Dear Dave. Boy, was he excited! He disappeared into the kitchen for a while and when he came out. He offered me this [Bottom of the Page]

Well, I must say I have never tasted a combination of fresh apples and bananas with yoghurt topping. This tasted reeeeeaaally good! Whoever said we can’t learn from kids 😀

Aside: I have figured out how to make my voice heard around the house…by not saying anything. I have learnt that each time I shout the kids just give me that mum-haven’t-you-learnt-anything-yet look. So these days all I do is walk quietly by and the kids nudge themselves into action.

NB. If you haven’t been brushing your teeth twice a day, I think you should start and if you have kids like me then teach them to make it a habit…and don’t forget to throw out your toothbrush every 3 months. Trust me you don’t want Michael to reminding you how stingy you are for not changing your tooth brush!


In Which I am Accused of Child Abuse

Michael/Zaram have settled into a funny routine. I don’t think funny is the word should be using, annoying more of. They just stare at computer games and play level after level and forget the world around them.

You call and call and they either can’t hear you or pretend they can’t. Zaram has been on my case. He wants a touchscreen phone (Like seriously, he wants me to support this addiction?)

Anyway, on this day they are engrossed in one one of those games and I ask them to come and eat. Everyone one leaves except Michael. Eventually he steps out of their room and comes to me.

‘Do you know you have been committing child abuse?’

‘What?!’ I asked totally not understanding him.

‘Child abuse’, he repeats.

‘How?’ I asked a little more calmly.

‘How can you be forcing someone to eat, don’t you know that is child abuse?’

I looked at him wondering what to do with him. Any ideas?


One of those days I was half listening because I was doing a million other things and Dave kept bugging me with questions about Jupiter and the moon. I kept saying “I don’t know” to each question and then he asks (In retrospect this was actually to check if I’ve been listening) what a lunar eclipse is. I responded like a broken record: I don’t know.

He goes quiet for a bit and then says: but we read the other day “ask and you shall be given”. I smiled because I felt I have a hip intelligent answer up my sleeve.
“That was Jesus speaking, not me”, I said.
“But you said to follow Jesus example all the time. Do you want to change your mind now?”

I can never win with these boys can I?

In Which We Talk About Marital Rape

It’s Sunday.

Yes, I know you know that already but I’m just reminding myself and you that you don’t get off days from parenting. It’s a 24/7 appointment and you’d better know that before you take on the assignment. Yep, it goes far beyond donating sperms and incubating them in your womb after fertilisation has taken place. Parenting is hard work.

So, we read Matthew 7:7 during worship and Dave decides he needs to exercise his right to questioning and getting me to provide answers. Oh, I’ll let you into his question soon enough but let me state that one of the responsibilities of parenthood is having the answers to all questions or at least having an idea how to get the answers. I don’t want that look of disappointment when my son asks a question and realises I don’t have a clue…especially experiential questions.

So Dave asks: How does a man rape a woman to whom he is married? My first reasoning was whether he wasn’t too young to destroy his innocence about what goes on behind closed doors. Do I really need to tell him that sex can be used to hurt rather than to love? And why was he asking anyway?

I thought maybe I should stall the question. I was quite capable of making him forget the question but for some reason I felt it was best to answer. What if he decided to go ask his friends?

I told him it was quite possible and he asked again how that can happen. “A man marries a woman he loves, so he can’t hurt her. Is it that the woman stops loving the man?”

So first we talk about rape in general. About ‘no’ meaning ‘no’ and not ‘maybe’ and then I tell him about how a woman may come home tired and not wanting sex that night and the husband wants it and she says ‘no’ and he goes ahead anyway.

And then he asks ‘so there are times the wife does not want it?’. I respond in the positive and again I mention she may be tired. And then he goes ‘I get it! The man can come home early cook and take care of the kids so that when she gets back she won’t be too tired for him!” (I think my boy just grew 100 yards of husband material)

We talked about other ways a man can show thoughtfulness and he listened quite attentively. I think he was taking mental notes. I reminded him again that no matter how aroused the man felt he must not force the wife to have sex if she says no. He got the point and suddenly couldn’t wait to move on to other things.

I think discussing sex with the boys is one of the harder things I have had to do. But, I am grateful to God that they come to me with their sex related questions. No matter how awkward it sometimes feels, I wouldn’t want to have it any different.

Aside: so while we were having the sex conversation, I made a discovery. The kids obviously didn’t know you can make love without making babies.
Zaram blurted out flabbergasted: “Have sex for fun???!!! You man you can have sex without getting pregnant???!!!” I had to find a way of explaining that sex could be awesome without actually making them want to experience it. Don’t ask me how I did that please x_x


In Which Dave Comes Home With A Swollen Lip

I got home at the usual time this evening. The burglary proof doors was open…now that was not unusual. The living room was upside down, that was usual and I saw Michael fleeing into his room naked. Yup, that too was usual.

I walked in complaining straight up of how they left the gate open when Dave popped out. His lips were twice as large as they were when he left home this morning. Now that was very very unusual.

I reacted the same way every mother would have reacted…I think. Shock!

In the next couple of minutes Dave explained how he had got into a disagreement with a boy in his class and the boy had decided to settle it with his fist. He had the broken/swollen lip to show for it. According to him, the school VP had settled it by punishing the boy who later came to apologise. So case closed.

I didn’t think it should be case closed and I told him so. I was going to be at his school tomorrow. Well, Dave didn’t think it was a good idea. In fact, he said the trip was going to be a waste cos its not like the boy would be punished again.

After giving this a thought, I announced I was still going to be at the school.
“Fine, its your decision”, was David’s response.
Now, I didn’t exactly like how that sounded. So, I was forced to explain my visit was just to know exactly what happened. And he responded with one of those looks that said: so you don’t believe me?

Alright, here I am wondering if there is some kinda “cool keeds” code which says “Mama shouldn’t show up in school cos some dude punched you in the face especially if dude has said he is sorry”. Is there?

This is kinda like an emergency, so I really need your comments.

In Which I Get Dinner in Bed

It was one of those extra tiring days. The office was not that kind to me. I had stared at the computer screen all day expanding writing and editing. I came home zapped.

I had to knock for a few minutes before the door was opened meanwhile I heard frantic movements of people trying to put the house in order.

“Not there”, yelled Dave, trying not to yell, “put it there”

I knocked again, rather impatiently. All I wanted was to get into the house and take off my shoes. I had a short vision of a foot massage I knew I wouldn’t get

“Get the brush”
It was David again. This kids were actually planning on leaving me outside until they cleaned up???

I suddenly realised I had a spare key tucked in somewhere in my bag. I digged for it and finally, “eureka”!

I walked in and everyone froze.
“Welcome Ma”, David led the pack and the two others echoed a greeting in unison.

The living room looked like a hurricane had gone right through it or to put it in my mother’s words, “like the occupants hastily moved out”. I didn’t have the strength to talk about the room, so I nodded to their greeting, walked past them all with the grimmest expression I could muster and headed for my room. (They weren’t expecting that)

I heard them quareling with themselves in an undertone; trading blames as to what they should or shouldn’t have done. I must have slept off cos next thing Dave was tapping me asking me to wake up and eat. (Apparently he had warmed soup and made eba) I got up to eat and went straight back to sleep.

Next day, I was to deal with the collateral damage of the previous day. The kitchen was a mess! Like I have come to know: For every good thing the kids do, I expect to spend hours doing it better.

So the boys have suddenly taken an interest in my virtual life. If you follow me on Twitter you may have read on the TL of how Michael pulled a stunt two nights ago.

Well just now I got a mini query
Dave: Why aren’t you using us as your twitter display picture anymore?
Me: Cos I don’t like you guys anymore
Dave: So you now like Louisa (Louisa is their cousin whose photo is on my Twitter)
Me: Yup
Dave (to Michael): That means we have to do something soon.
Michael: Yeah, we need some dynamites to blow her to bits