There has been a lot of talk about consent in modern times. As a mother of three boys, I am concerned not only about my sons not forcing consent out of anyone but also of them misreading the cues that a female gives. So when I read certain scenarios provided on Twitter, I use it as an opportunity to test their understanding.
Let me say here that I do not envy men of the 21st century. I would like to say good men always end up with good ladies but we all know that doesn’t always happen. A nice guy can end up with a mentally imbalanced lady and vice versa. Bad things happen to good people that is why some ladies will withdraw consent they freely gave when they are attacked by conscience after the fact or when they feel that the man has not continued loving them the way they feel he should. I can’t imagine how I would feel if any of my sons was falsely accused of rape or sexual assault and I had no way of proving otherwise. So to them, I preach extreme caution; try not to be in isolated places with any girl and if you are with the one you like, have a chaperone. This, of course, does not cover every single situation but I’m hoping it helps.
So this guy tells his story on Twitter. You can read his story here. And I had to edit the story to PG 13 and share it with them. My question was: what would they have done differently? These were their thoughts:
- It is a bad idea to hang out with an ex. Dave thinks there has to be a reason they were ex to start with.
My next question was what if it becomes absolutely necessary to spend time with an ex?
- “10pm is too late for her to come back home with me,”Dave says. “After dinner, I am dropping her off at her home”. Zaram says he would call her a cab if she does not have a means of transportation. They both agree she definitely is not spending the night.
The kids could not contemplate allowing her to sleep over. That is where they draw the line. So I posed another question: what if she is stranded, sleeps over and begins to give these funny signals at night?
- I’ll leave the room for her says Zaram. And if she gets naked and keeps following you around and still says “no sex”? “Can I call the police?” Michael asks. (I think he has watched plenty ‘oyibo feem’)
My boys understand what consent means. I have used the tea illustration so they get it. But I am afraid that some girls still do not understand what it means to give consent. You cannot say you don’t want tea and then you carry the cup all the way to your mouth and then deep the tip of your tongue into it. If you don’t want the tea, then quit playing with it. While we train our boys that NO means NO, can we teach our girls how to say NO?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section.